10 Rules to impress your boss and Getting Guaranteed Promotion Without Any Hard Work

1. Never walk without a document in your hands

People with documents in their hand look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they’re heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

2. Use computers to look busy

Any time you use a computer, it looks like “work” to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they’re not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught — your best defense is to claim you’re teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.

3. Messy desk

Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we’re not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year’s work looks the same as today’s work; it’s volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you’ll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

4. Voice Mail

Never answers your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That’s no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they’re not there - it looks like you’re hardworking and conscientious even though you’re being a devious weasel.

5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed

According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.

6. Leave the Office Late

Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss’ room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours

(e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.

7. Creative Sighing for Effect

Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.

8. Stacking Strategy

It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).

9. Build Vocabulary

Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don’t have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.

10. MOST IMPORTANT!!!:

DON’T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!

2 lakh Engineers are unemployed in India

Today our Labour and Employement minister, Mallikarjun Kharge declared in Lok Sabha that nearly 2 lakh (200,000) engineers and 1.32 lakh (132,000) diploma holders were unemployed in 2007. He also said Government is planning to create 15 million jobs by the end of 11th Plan in public and private sectors. This year the number of unemployed engineers and diploma holders is likely to increase heavily due to current economic recession. In 2003, there were 82,000 unemployed engineers in India and in 2005 the number rose to 1.12 lakh (112,000) and due to IT book it fell to 48,000 in 2006. This is really a shocking news for engineers of India. Also, this figure has put a question mark on the quality of education in engineering colleges of India.

Let’s discuss one case study of a 16 years old 10th standard student of India.

I’m 16 years old studying in 10th class. My parents are pressuring me to be an Engineer it’s not even funny, lol. I try to reason with them and I really don’t understand why they think engineers are such “god-like” people, lol. I mean, I really love history and arts and can work well with money and finance and I like economics so I’m really interested in careers either in arts or commerce. I tell them all the facts of how I love these subjects, I tell them I love to do it, I’m good at it (I hate physics, chemistry. They don’t interest me), and I’ll be a lot better at something I enjoy. My parents say that getting an engineering degree will make my future secure. What the fuck?

This is common problem in Indian families. Parents put unnecessary pressure on their kids into studying and getting high careers. They want to make their sons or daughters doctor, lawyer, scientist, engineer so that they will earn high salary and have a top job in future. Now a day engineering degree has become the obvious choice of Indian middle class because of ever rising salaries and comfortable work environment for the engineers but in my opinion, parents need to see the interest and dreams of their children instead of forcing them to chase some mad rush of joining IITs, IIMs or NITs to become eligible for big MNC’s. If we allow our children to go for studying in which field they like they can do wonders.
There are some other reasons behind 2 lakh unemployed engineers in India.

• Poor Quality of Engineering Education in private colleges and old Government Colleges — According to latest report only 25 % engineering graudates in India are employable, this means they can work in the industry and utilise their engineering knowledge. This is because of poor quality of education in engineering colleges. Government should take some steps to improve the quality of education in Indian colleges. Also the syllabus should be made par to the industry standards.
• Entrance tests for Engineering colleges — Most of the students who join private engineering colleges have around 50 to 60% marks in their 12th standard. They also need not to face any entrance test due to plenty of private engineering colleges in Inida. Such students lack basic knowledge of English and Mathematics & Science. What should we expect from these students? Believe me more than 75 % engineers are not fit for industry. But we should not completely blame this 75 % engineers. Most of these students are forced by their parents to pursue career in Engineering.

So what you feel on this issue. Don’t forget to comment.