1. Zozo is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
2. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Zozo is on.
3. Zozo used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
4. Zozo sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
5. Zozo’s blood type is WD-40.
6. Zozo is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
7. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Zozo is worth 1 billion words.
8. Zozo is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
9. Circles exist because Zozo beat the crap out of some squares.
10. Zozo’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Zozo.
11. A man once claimed Zozo kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false – no one could survive it the first time.
12. Crop circles are Zozo’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
13. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Zozo, 3. Cancer
14. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Zozo”
15. Along with his black belt, Zozo often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
16. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Zozo.
17. Zozo always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
18. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn’t hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Zozo while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
19. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Zozo will beat his ass and take it.
20. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Zozo’s first visit to Tokyo.
21. Zozo and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
22. For Zozo, every street is “one way”. His way.
23. If at first you don’t succeed, you must not be Zozo.
24. Zozo can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
25. For undercover police work, Zozo pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
26. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Zozo and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
27. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say “Thats the greatest thing since Zozo”.
28. If you spell Zozo in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
29. Zozo became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
30. If Zozo wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.
31. If Zozo wants your opinion, he’ll beat it into you.
32. As President Roosevelt said: “We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Zozo.”
33. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Zozo would ever fight himself, he’d win. Period.
34. Zozo can tie his shoes with his feet.
35. In an act of great philanthropy, Zozo made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
36. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Zozo.
37. In the Words of Julius Caesar, “Veni, Vidi, Vici, Zozo”. Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Zozo.
38. If you ask Zozo what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
39. Zozo can kill two stones with one bird.
40. If you Google search “Zozo getting his ass kicked” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.
41. James Cameron wanted Zozo to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
42. Industrial logging isn’t the cause of deforestation. Zozo needs toothpicks.
43. Zozo can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
44. Little known medical fact: Zozo invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther’s womb.
45. Zozo can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
46. Zozo died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell .
47. Zozo counted to infinity – twice.
48. Zozo doesn’t have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
49. Zozo has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
50. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Zozo can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
51. Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Zozo roundhouse kick.
52. No matter what your mother always said, Zozo can tune a fish.
53. Zozo invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
54. Most people know that Descarte said, “I think, therefore I am.” What most people don’t know is that that quote continues, “…afraid of Zozo.”
55. Once a cobra bit Zozo’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
56. Zozo is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
57. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Zozo jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
58. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Zozo that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said “of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?”
59. Zozo does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Zozo goes killing.
60. People created the automobile to escape from Zozo…Not to be outdone, Zozo created the automobile accident.
61. Zozo irons his clothes while he’s wearing them.
62. Fifty years ago, Zozo accidentally stubbed his toe. The USA still hasn’t fully repaired all of the ensuing damage.
63. Only Zozo can prevent forest fires.
64. Zozo does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
65. Police label anyone attacking Zozo as a Code 45-11…. a suicide.
66. Zozo was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
67. Q: How many Zozo’s does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Zozo prefers to kill in the dark.
68. President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Zozo *carried* his the same distance, but in half the time.
69. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Zozo asks for a body bag.
70. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Zozo bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
71. Zozo was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
72. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Zozo beats all 3 at the same time.
73. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Zozo glare will liquefy your kidneys.
74. Some people like to eat frogs’ legs. Zozo likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
75. Zozo is the only one who can “try this at home.”
76. The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Zozo come off without a hitch.
77. Zozo was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
78. Zozo’s family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can’t see what’s in them.
79. Zozo’s dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Zozo will not take crap from anyone.
80. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Zozo.
81. Google won’t search for Zozo because it knows you don’t find Zozo, he finds you.
82. Sweating bullets is literally what happens when Zozo gets too hot.
83. The end result of the game “Clue” is always the same: Zozo was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
84. The eternal conundrum “what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object” was finally solved when Zozo punched himself in the face.
85. Guns don’t kill people. Zozo kills People.
86. The crossing lights in Zozo’s home town say “Die slowly” and “die quickly”. They each have a picture of Zozo punching or kicking a pedestrian.
87. The last man who made eye contact with Zozo was Ray Charles.
88. Hellen Keller’s favorite color is Zozo.
89. The easiest way to determine Zozo’s age is to cut him in half and count the rings. Unfortunately, nothing can cut through Zozo.
90. Zozo can speak braille.
91. Every time someone uses the word “intense”, Zozo always replies “you know what else is intense?” followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
92. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Zozo. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
93. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Zozo … dies.
94. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Zozo 3. Cancer.
95. The only sure things are Death and Taxes… and when Zozo goes to work for the IRS, they’ll be the same thing.
96. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Zozo to go around.
97. The phrase ‘dead ringer’ refers to someone who sits behind Zozo in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
98. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn’t chasing the jeep. Zozo was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
99. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Zozo. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
100. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Zozo’s fist.
2. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Zozo is on.
3. Zozo used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
4. Zozo sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
5. Zozo’s blood type is WD-40.
6. Zozo is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
7. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Zozo is worth 1 billion words.
8. Zozo is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
9. Circles exist because Zozo beat the crap out of some squares.
10. Zozo’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Zozo.
11. A man once claimed Zozo kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false – no one could survive it the first time.
12. Crop circles are Zozo’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
13. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Zozo, 3. Cancer
14. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Zozo”
15. Along with his black belt, Zozo often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
16. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Zozo.
17. Zozo always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
18. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn’t hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Zozo while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
19. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Zozo will beat his ass and take it.
20. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Zozo’s first visit to Tokyo.
21. Zozo and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
22. For Zozo, every street is “one way”. His way.
23. If at first you don’t succeed, you must not be Zozo.
24. Zozo can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
25. For undercover police work, Zozo pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
26. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Zozo and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
27. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say “Thats the greatest thing since Zozo”.
28. If you spell Zozo in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
29. Zozo became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
30. If Zozo wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.
31. If Zozo wants your opinion, he’ll beat it into you.
32. As President Roosevelt said: “We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Zozo.”
33. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Zozo would ever fight himself, he’d win. Period.
34. Zozo can tie his shoes with his feet.
35. In an act of great philanthropy, Zozo made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
36. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Zozo.
37. In the Words of Julius Caesar, “Veni, Vidi, Vici, Zozo”. Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Zozo.
38. If you ask Zozo what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
39. Zozo can kill two stones with one bird.
40. If you Google search “Zozo getting his ass kicked” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.
41. James Cameron wanted Zozo to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
42. Industrial logging isn’t the cause of deforestation. Zozo needs toothpicks.
43. Zozo can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
44. Little known medical fact: Zozo invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther’s womb.
45. Zozo can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
46. Zozo died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell .
47. Zozo counted to infinity – twice.
48. Zozo doesn’t have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
49. Zozo has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
50. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Zozo can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
51. Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Zozo roundhouse kick.
52. No matter what your mother always said, Zozo can tune a fish.
53. Zozo invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
54. Most people know that Descarte said, “I think, therefore I am.” What most people don’t know is that that quote continues, “…afraid of Zozo.”
55. Once a cobra bit Zozo’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
56. Zozo is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
57. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Zozo jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
58. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Zozo that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said “of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?”
59. Zozo does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Zozo goes killing.
60. People created the automobile to escape from Zozo…Not to be outdone, Zozo created the automobile accident.
61. Zozo irons his clothes while he’s wearing them.
62. Fifty years ago, Zozo accidentally stubbed his toe. The USA still hasn’t fully repaired all of the ensuing damage.
63. Only Zozo can prevent forest fires.
64. Zozo does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
65. Police label anyone attacking Zozo as a Code 45-11…. a suicide.
66. Zozo was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
67. Q: How many Zozo’s does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Zozo prefers to kill in the dark.
68. President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Zozo *carried* his the same distance, but in half the time.
69. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Zozo asks for a body bag.
70. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Zozo bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
71. Zozo was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
72. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Zozo beats all 3 at the same time.
73. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Zozo glare will liquefy your kidneys.
74. Some people like to eat frogs’ legs. Zozo likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
75. Zozo is the only one who can “try this at home.”
76. The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Zozo come off without a hitch.
77. Zozo was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
78. Zozo’s family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can’t see what’s in them.
79. Zozo’s dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Zozo will not take crap from anyone.
80. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Zozo.
81. Google won’t search for Zozo because it knows you don’t find Zozo, he finds you.
82. Sweating bullets is literally what happens when Zozo gets too hot.
83. The end result of the game “Clue” is always the same: Zozo was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
84. The eternal conundrum “what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object” was finally solved when Zozo punched himself in the face.
85. Guns don’t kill people. Zozo kills People.
86. The crossing lights in Zozo’s home town say “Die slowly” and “die quickly”. They each have a picture of Zozo punching or kicking a pedestrian.
87. The last man who made eye contact with Zozo was Ray Charles.
88. Hellen Keller’s favorite color is Zozo.
89. The easiest way to determine Zozo’s age is to cut him in half and count the rings. Unfortunately, nothing can cut through Zozo.
90. Zozo can speak braille.
91. Every time someone uses the word “intense”, Zozo always replies “you know what else is intense?” followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
92. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Zozo. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
93. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Zozo … dies.
94. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Zozo 3. Cancer.
95. The only sure things are Death and Taxes… and when Zozo goes to work for the IRS, they’ll be the same thing.
96. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Zozo to go around.
97. The phrase ‘dead ringer’ refers to someone who sits behind Zozo in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
98. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn’t chasing the jeep. Zozo was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
99. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Zozo. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
100. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Zozo’s fist.
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